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Living with Weight Loss
On trying to love your body while maintaining weight
Here’s what I had to eat yesterday: cereal with almond milk, a peach, three pieces of vegan “chick’n” tenders, kale sautéed in olive oil with garlic (and a little cheese), two servings of mixed nuts and a smoothie. I also may have had a handful of the strawberry candy that my girlfriend has a habit of keeping around.
And I hate that I regret that strawberry candy. I hate it because my brain, like most people’s brains, places a moral value on food. Some foods we rank good; other foods we rank bad. The good foods are the healthy ones, the ones that don’t cause the number on the scale to creep up. The best ones, says the brain, are the ones that cause the number on the scale to go down. And bad foods, my anxiety whispers, are only for people who are fat. Do you want to get fat again?
I was about 45 pounds heavier two years ago. But, truth be told, I also had a much better relationship with my body. You see, I worked hard to embrace my image, to try and de-couple concepts like “good” and “bad” from mere descriptors like “fat” and “thin.” I exercised regularly because it felt good, not because it would allow me to have an extra glass of wine at dinner. And when I felt like I wanted to celebrate an achievement, I did, without regard for the calories in the cake.
